


Total Drama: Ridonculer Race

by EarthmanNoEarth



Category: Total Drama (Cartoon), Total Drama Presents: The Ridonculous Race
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:56:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25445755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EarthmanNoEarth/pseuds/EarthmanNoEarth
Summary: Eighteen teams have set off on a race accross seven continents to see who will win a million dollars! Relationships, alliances, betrayals, and manipulations await!
Relationships: Chef Hatchet/Chris McLean, Rudolph “Lightning“ Jackson/Original Female Character
Comments: 5
Kudos: 9





	1. None Down, Eighteen to Go (Part 1)

Don stood atop the roof of the Toronto Union Station. With a serious look on his face, he began the opening monologue. “Toronto-a city with over 2.7 million people in it. Today, thirty-six of those people will be beginning the race of their lives around the world. Beneath my manly size seven shoes, eighteen teams of two are arriving as we speak. One by one, these teams will drop away until only the strongest remains. This isn’t any race. This is….the Ridonculer Race.”

Though most of the train station was stuffed to the brim with people trying to push through and get to their next stop, a small section had been carved with barriers out for Don and his arrivals to use. A track had been chosen for eighteen small trains, one for each of the teams, to arrive and drop off their cargo. A podium was set up, and Don stood behind it with the list of teams on hand. Just as his perpetual smile started to turn creepy, the first train car zipped up, deposited its two passengers, and sped off. Don smiled even wider and gestured the two towards the podium, “First up is one of the six teams returning from last season-The Goths!” 

Crimson and Ennui stepped forward. Both wore their outfits from the previous season, but Crimson has added a pair of skull earrings and Ennui wore a necklace with an ornate rabbit charm. Neither addressed Don, and the host took a slight step away out of fear. 

Interview: Goths

Ennui slouched in his folding chair. The background for the interview room was a world map with a single pinpoint on Toronto, which Crimson studied intensely. At long last, Ennui spoke, “The producers called us a few months ago and asked if we wanted another chance. And who are we to say no?” 

Crimson nodded, “Last time we lost because we couldn’t find Loki. That won’t be happening this time.” They both shook their heads and Ennui pulled out his phone. On it, he had pulled up a picture of a plump old woman in a pink shawl and thick glasses happily holding up the emo bunny as he struggled to free himself. Ennui offered an explanation for the image, “My Babushka’s taking care of him while we’re here. We’re a shoe-in for the victory this time.” Crimson placed her hand on Ennui’s knee, and the goth boy glanced at it before slightly upturning his lips. 

Interview ended

“So,” Don held out a microphone, “Anything you want to say to the viewing audience?” 

“Wasn’t that what the interview was for?” Crimson questioned. Don thought it over before shrugging and tossing the microphone over his shoulder. The second train car arrived and it’s passengers gloriously leapt from within. Sun glinting through the window, their shadows obscured them long enough for Crimson and Ennui to not realize just who they were. Don didn’t exactly smile, more of a grimace, “The second of our returning teams-the Ice Dancers!” Jacques and Josee landed their jump and flashed shark-like smiles. 

“Joy of joys,” Crimson mumbled. 

Jossee noticed her and shrieked, “Who let you back in, Goth clowns?” 

Ennui sighed, and Jacques raised an eyebrow at the effectiveness of arguing with them. 

Interview: Ice Dancers

Jossee stomped her foot in rage, “Last season we were CHEATED! JIPPED!” 

Jacques daintily put a hand on her shoulder in a pointless attempt at calming her down, “How were we supposed to predict the flat tire? We-“

Jossee flipped around and shoved him over, knocking him into the world map screen behind them. It shook for a moment, revealing the brick wall that it covered. The female skater took a deep breath and simmered down a bit, “Those clowns think that they’ll make it to gold? Ha! The podium is OURS!” 

Jacques called up from his position on the ground, “There is no podium, Jossee! Where are you getting the idea that there is a podium?” 

She snarled, “There is always a podium.” 

Interview ended

Don pulled out a small pamphlet entitled ‘Rules of Ridonculer Race’ and handed it to Jossee, “Please read over this and make sure you’re aware of everything. Otherwise you’ll be getting a LOT of penalties again.” 

Jossee snatched it away and threw it onto the train tracks, “I know what I’m doing!” she grumbled. As she dragged Jacques away from the Goths, the third train arrived. A more surprising duo than the first two stepped out. Though the Goths remained expressionless, the Ice Dancers were a bit more surprised. “Welcome Gerry and Pete, the Tennis Rivals!” Don announced. The two old men had exercised a bit since their failure in France, and were more toned than before. Gerry chuckled upon seeing the other two teams, “Look Pete! We’ve got Weirdos 1 and Weirdos 2! Now with you here there’s Weirdo 3!” Pete elbowed him playfully and tried to think of something to fire back with. 

Interview: Tennis Rivals

Pete thought to himself in silence while Gerry blabbed to the camera, “Boy, I tell you, our sponsors were not at all happy when we lost last season. I mean, second? Even the Arguers did better than us!”

“You mean the Daters?” 

“They were hardly the Daters. All they did was argue, for heaven's sake!” 

Pete came to a revelation and held his hand out for Gerry, “How about we shake on a sure victory!” 

Gerry naively grasped Pete’s hand before yelping in pain. Pete smugly retracted his palm, “Hidden joy buzzer,” he remarked. 

Interview ended

The two men continued their incessant elbowing while the fourth train car arrived. Don waited expectedly as the doors opened, but nobody stepped out. Before he could say anything, two well-dressed individuals stepped around the barriers. Jen, a bit embarrassed, apologized, “Sorry Don! We just haven’t been in Toronto for so long and Tom just had to stop by his boyfriend’s hat store.” 

Tom held up a stack of four hat boxes he had, “I was right! Fezes are the new big thing!” 

Jen continued, “And then we had to make sure the emblems on the fezes matched our outfits and fit on our heads snugly, so that was a whole ordeal. By the time we reached our train, it had already left!” 

Facepalming hard, Don reminded them of the rules, “Please make sure you use the instructed travel options in the Race or you will risk severe penalties.” 

Tom giggled, “We know!” 

Interview: Fashion Bloggers

The two bloggers had adorned themselves with their new fezes. Jen’s was dark blue and had a wolf patch on the front. Tom had gone with an aqua blue one that had ‘T + S’ stitched on it. Smiling brightly as they showed off their hats, Jen went first, “Last season we only lost because we were fighting. This season, we won’t fight. We know that the blog was a collaboration between us and nobody will stop us.” 

Tom squealed at himself as he looked in a compact mirror, “Look at how GORGEOUS we are. Can’t crush the competition if you ain’t cute.” 

Jen nodded, “Amen.” 

Interview ended

When they went to stand off to the side, Jen noticed Crimson’s makeup. “OMG!” she went wide-eyed, “Is that Metallic Bronze brand makeup you have on? That stuff is sooooo expensive! Where do you get it?” 

Crimson did not change her face, “The store.” 

Jen quickly pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled a number on it before handing it to the goth, “This is my makeup supplier’s number. He can get you a great deal on your face paint.” After the brief discussion ended, the fifth train rolled up. Out stepped a well-known pair of sisters. “Our fifth of six returning teams!” Don introduced them, “Emma and Kitty, the Sisters!” Kitty quickly snapped a selfie with Emma, before whipping around and getting another one with Don. “Are you ready for this, Emma?” she asked. 

Emma grinned, “Ready as I’ll ever be!” They passed by the Goths and traded nods before stopping next to them. Kitty made sure to give the Ice Dancers a glare while Emma surveyed the rest of the competition. 

Interview: Sisters

Emma pounded her fist on her palm, “This season there will be no distractions. No petty squabbles, no romances, no nothing.”

Kitty shot her sister a knowing look, “That’s what you said last time. Remember how well that went?” 

Emma crossed her arms, “That was not planned. Plus Noah said we can still be allies, even though-“

“Even though you broke up?” Kitty interrupted.

“Yeah? What else would it be?” 

Kitty giggled and leaned towards the camera, “Emma’s still a little mad about the break-up.” 

Emma swatted her sister, “You don’t need to tell everyone that.” She turned to directly address the camera, “Noah and I decided that we were no longer compatible. We are still friends. So EVERYBODY better shut up about it.” Kitty went to say something before Emma stopped her, “And that includes you, Kitty.” 

Kitty made a sour face, “You’re no fun.” 

End interview

The train containing the last of the six returning teams pulled up, making the other ten contestants hold their breath. It stopped and let the duo out. The Ice Dancers let out a sigh of relief when they saw who it was. “They won’t be hard to crush,” Jacques commented as he nudged Jossee.

Don winced as one of the two drew him into a bone crushing hug, “Here’s...ugh...the….ow….Owen can you please let go?” 

The large boy released his grip, “Sorry Don! I’m just so excited!” 

Don recovered and continued, “Our last returning team! The Best Friends-Owen and Noah!” 

The Sisters rushed forward to greet their old allies. Kitty was quickly swept up into another hug by Owen. Emma and Noah greeted each other a bit less enthusiastically. “Sooooo….” the sneaker struggled to think of anything. 

“Just….friends?” Emma offered. 

“And allies,” Noah added. 

Interview: Best Friends

“We waited too long and someone snapped up the Reality TV Pros name,” Noah complained, “At least this one was left.” 

“At least it still fits!” Owen wrapped his arm around Noah’s neck, nearly putting the scrawny boy in a chokehold. “Cuz we’re beeeeeeeest friends!” 

A smile started to creep up Noah’s face, “Thanks, big guy.” 

“No problem, little buddy.” 

Interview ended

Don faced the six teams gathered around the podium, “Congratulations! The Producers liked you enough last season to bring you back for more fun! Now, are you ready to meet the twelve other teams?” Hearing crickets, he died a little inside. “Great!” As if waiting for him to finish, the seventh train pulled up. A very tall girl unfolded herself from inside the car, followed by a shorter guy. As the others became a bit worried at their new opponent’s competitive prowess, Don maintained his glowing smile, “Welcome Team #7! Give a round of applause for Jasmine and Shawn, the Survivalists!” Nobody have a round of applause 

Owen was ecstatic, and stumbled over his feet to greet Shawn, “Oh boy! Dude, you are like, the coolest!” 

Shawn was a bit off-put by the big guy’s intense excitement, “Thanks….I guess.” 

Owen began to bounce up and down, shaking the floor. A look of terror came over Shawn’s face when he realized Owen was close to cracking his ribs. Thankfully, Noah intervened, “Owen! Put the zombie nut down.” The big guy sheepishly obliged. 

Interview: Survivalists

“Apparently we’re pretty much the only popular competitors from Pahkitew,” Shawn explained. He had traded his orange vest out for a khaki one to match his girlfriend’s outfit.

Jasmine has to duck a bit to fit in the frame, “I don’t blame ‘em, that island was practically stuffed with weirdos.” 

Shawn glanced up at his girlfriend, “Not that either of us are particularly normal.” 

“At least we aren’t Leonard,” Jasmine added. 

“Or Sugar,” Shawn started to chuckle.

“Or Dave!” Jasmine practically burst out laughing.

Interview ended

The two went to find a place to stand, but Kitty quickly ran up to Jasmine. She held up her phone, which had the photo app open, “Mind if I snap a selfie?” 

Jasmine shrugged, “Why not?” She crouched down so she could be the same height as Kitty, and several photos were quickly snapped. While Jasmine struggled to get back to standing up straight from her uncomfortable position, the next train pulled up. The fourteen who had already arrived froze as they waited to see who it was. Both of the new arrivals were muscular, though one had gone for speed and agility and one had gone for pure strength. Don waved them to the podium, “Introducing the new Reality TV Pros-Sky and Lightning!” 

Shawn nodded at the gymnast. “Surprised to see you here,” he added. 

Sky rolled her eyes and huffed, “Apparently one unpopular season of a reality show isn’t enough to drum up popularity and get a set of trainers to notice you. So I figured I’d do this and he,” she jabbed a thumb in Lightning’s direction, “Is the only one willing to compete with me.” 

Lightning folded his arms and turned away from his teammate, “The Lightning is just here for some sha-fame. I need that sha-football sha-scholarship.” He struck a pose, and Sky quickly distanced herself from him. 

Interview: Reality TV Pros

The two athletes faced away from each other as Sky went on a minor tirade, “I don’t get the Reality TV Pros name. This is literally the second show I’ve been on.” 

Lightning scoffed, “Speak for yourself, pretty girl. This is the thirtieth show the Lightning has sha-been on since Total Drama. You may not be a pro but,” he pointed at himself, “The Lightning sha-is!” 

Sky stood up, bringing her head out of frame, “God, the brain cells in this room are rotting fast.” 

In response, the Lightning snarled, “Sha-what does that mean?” 

“It means you’re a dunce.”

“Nobody calls the Lightning a dunce and gets away with it.” 

“Then make sure I don’t get away with it.” Sky braced herself and quickly reflected Lightning’s strike, sending him falling backwards into the world map backdrop and letting him bounce off the brick wall behind the screen and fall to the floor. As he groaned on the ground, Sky smirked and walked away. 

Interview ended

Noticing that the two were pointedly standing away from each other, Don chuckled, “Let’s hope we don’t have another Daters situation on our hands.” 

Sky erupted into furious yells, “How DARE you suggest that I’d date this imbecile. He may as well be a meat bag.”

“At least I have meat on my bag,” Lightning flexed.

“Is that meant to be some sort of connotation? Are you hitting on me?” 

“Freak off you sha-gross gymnast,” Lightning crossed to the other side of the podium. Don rubbed his head, “I’m starting to regret comparing them to the Daters.” Breaking the tension, the ninth train arrived. Don recomposed himself and waited for the doors to open. Two well-known (and well-liked) competitors stepped out. “Did things just get nicer in here?” Don tried to joke. Ignoring the fact that no one neither laughed nor had any reason to laugh, he continued, “Our ninth team is the Nice Guys-Brick and Zoey!” 

Jossee giggled maniacally, “These two will not be an issue,” she elbowed Jacques, who stared at his feet. 

Brick stepped forward and faced the female skater, “I do not appreciate that kind of talk. This should be a good, clean race.” 

All of the other contestants, bar Zoey, looked at him strangely. Noah spoke up, “Do you even know what show you’re on?” 

Interview: Nice Guys

Both Zoey and Brick had adopted new outfits for the competition. Zoey had on a red, orange, white, and purple striped shirt, as well as a pair of black leggings and a black skirt. Brick had on identical leggings and skirt, but had swapped out the striped shirt for a solid colored olive one. Brick was a bit glum, “If none of the other teams will uphold fair play standards then should we?”

Zoey had less qualms about the issue and laid a hand on Brick’s knee to cheer him up, “I mean it is in our name, though I do wish you picked a different name.” 

Brick straightened his back and assumed a military stance, “As two of the most honorable Total Drama contestants it is our responsibility to prevent less well-intentioned teams from sabotaging the innocent.” 

Zoey shrugged, “We can still have fun; we don’t have to spend the whole time upholding justice or whatever.” 

“I mean I guess,” the cadet looked a little hurt. 

Interview ended

While the Ice Dancers bickered about who lost them the Olympics, Zoey casually approached the Survivalists. Thanks to her height advantage, Jasmine quickly noticed the redhead. “What’re you up to?” 

Zoey skipped introductions and went straight for the punch, “This may be a bit preemptive, but I was wondering if you wanted to sort of work with us.” 

“You mean be in an alliance?” Shawn interrupted. 

Zoey nodded, “If that’s how you want to put it.” 

Stroking her chin and thinking it over, Jasmine answered, “Sounds like a deal.” Zoey nodded and returned to her spot as the tenth train arrived. It’s doors opened and an odd duo exited. “Introducing the Odd Duo!” Don announced. Dawn and B had arrived. Dawn fluttered over time Zoey, and gave her a quick hug, “Good afternoon, Zoey! Your aura is bright as usual!” 

Zoey smiled warmly, “Nice to see you, Dawn!” She turned to B, “And you too!” 

Interview: Odd Duo

The duo had gotten themselves hoodies-a purple one for Dawn and a grey one for B. Though the engineer was still silent as ever, Dawn had figured out how to interpret many of his signals. She had taken a meditative pose, while B tinkered with a strange music box contraption. “When I heard there was another chance at the million, I just had to sign up,” Dawn chatted, “The chance to make a difference that big can’t be passed up.” B nodded, but said nothing for obvious reasons. “Perhaps after Scott’s framing of me last season this will be karma’s way of repaying both us and the environment.” B held up his music box, which played the two of them a sweet lullaby. Dawn smiled wearily, “How pretty!”

End interview

Since neither of the Odd Duo has much to say, Don moved on and ushered in the next train. Most of those who had already arrived were starting to get a bit antsy, and the two fan-favorites who stepped out of the car didn’t make their nerves better. “Please welcome Duncan's Exes-Gwen and Courtney!” 

Courtney shook her head, “We’re supposed to be the Reality TV Rivals. When did it get changed?” She noticed Gwen giggling and turned to face her teammate, “Is this your doing?” 

The goth girl couldn’t help but laugh, “Of course! Don’t you like the new name so much better.” 

Courtney remained stern, “Of course not!” 

“Are you sure?” 

“No….I mean….I guess it is kind of funny.”

“See?”

The lawyer nevertheless upturned her nose, “You should have at least asked me first.” 

Interview: Duncan’s Exes

Like the other new teams, Courtney and Gwen have brought new outfits for the race. Courtney had a green and black dress shirt on, while Gwen was wearing a black metal band shirt with a green “Chaos Theory Ultimate” logo on it. Gwen was sitting back and scrolling on her phone, while Courtney complained. “I mean we could have chosen a better name than that. Defining ourselves by that one thing isn’t doing us any favors.” 

“Lighten up a little. It’s all in good fun.” 

Courtney sighed, “It’s just a little annoying, you know? Plus if Duncan sees this he’ll never let us live this down.” 

“Oh, Duncan knows,” Gwen chuckled a little, “He gave me the idea for the name.” 

“HE WHAT?” 

End interview

Courtney went to say something, but Gwen placed a hand on her back and guided her away from the center. Don smiled and read the next cue card, “Rounding out our second batch of teams is a couple of familiar faces that you may not have been expecting.” The train stopped and it’s doors opened. Fog poured out. “Please welcome,” everyone gasped, “Chris and Chef, the Reality TV Hosts!” Chris grinned menacingly. The two wore their same outfits as always, but were now adorned with matching rings on their ring fingers. Gwen, Courtney, Zoey, Brick, Dawn, Noah, Owen, Jasmine, and Shawn collectively groaned. “What the hell?” Jasmine yelled, “Why would you let those sociopaths here?” 

Chris shot her his trademark grin, “Hey, the doctor said I was just mentally unstable. No ‘-paths’ whatsoever!” 

“He’s tried to kill us!”

“Do you know how many interns have died because of him?”

“Who’s this guy?” 

“Didn’t you leave Dave to die?” 

“His aura is a pitch black!”

“F*** you, dude!” Various shouts rang out from Chris’s former victims, as well as one from Gerry, who had never watched the first six seasons of Total Drama. Chef sighed and directed his husband to the interview booth. 

Interview: Reality TV Hosts

“Why do they hate me so much?” Chris pouted.

Chef shot back, “Do you want the reasons alphabetically or in order of significance?” 

“It’s probably because I’m so much better than them. They just can’t stand it.” 

“I can confirm that that’s not the reason why. Didn’t you say this was going to be a relaxing honeymoon?” 

“Did I? Oh it will be relaxing. Relaxing when I play this stupid game like a fiddle and we win a millio smackers.” 

End interview

Don stepped in before Courtney could pummel the former host into the ground. While the CIT was left to stew angrily, the thirteenth train pulled up. Don snapped back to his normal smiling host, “This season we have ten brand new contestants competing, two of whom will be joined by returning competitors.” The train doors opened, “Here are two new contestants-the Senior Sweethearts, Peggy and Edith!” Two elderly women stepped out. They were holding hands and one of them, who was much taller than her wife, was carrying a large brown purse. “So Edith,” the taller one began saying something that had obviously been rehearsed, “Are you ready?” 

“You know Peggy?” the shorter one grinned maliciously, “I’m ready to crush these losers!” 

Noah was shocked, “Meemaws?”

Peggy and Edith were taken aback, but quickly swept the sneaker up into a hug. “Why didn’t you tell me you were competing?” he asked as his bones were crushed. 

“We wanted it to be a surprise!” Peggy explained while Edith broke the hug. “YOU!” she shouted while pointing at one of the other teams.

Interview: Senior Sweethearts

Edith did bicep curls with a five pound weight while Peggy knitted a sweater. “When we found out Noah was doing this again, we just had to get in,” Peggy explained. 

“It sounds SO romantic!” Edith added excitedly. 

Peggy finished the sweater she had only started a few minutes ago and tossed it to Edith, “I hope the other teams don’t start thinking we’re an easy target. I worked at a zoo for twenty years making a career wrestling alligators.”

“And I have been a roller derby champion seven years running.” 

“Plus there’s never been a knife fight that I couldn’t win.” 

“Not to mention this!” Edith grabbed Peggy’s hand and raised it in the air, “The power of love!” 

Peggy blushed, “Aw babe, that’s so sweet!” 

End interview 

Edith was pointing at Gerry and Pete. Gerry scowled, “Oh great, the cheating altos are here.” 

“Just because you lose the karaoke contests every time doesn’t mean we cheat; it just means we’re better than you,” Edith blew a raspberry at the tennis player, “Plus your falsetto sucks.” 

With that Edith and Peggy found a spot and waited for the next train. As it pulled up, Don began the introduction. “The second of our teams of brand new competitors-the Graffiti Artists, Parker and Hyde!” Two young men stepped out. Parker has longer, straight hair that sort of hung there, and a soul patch beard. Hyde’s hair was short and fuzzy, but his face was clean shaven. He wore a pair of sunglasses that blocked his eyes. “Hey dudes!” Hyde introduces himself, “I’m Hyde!” Murmurs of “Hey Hyde!” followed by some muttering from the Ice Dancers about how they would become dirt. 

Interview: Graffiti Artists

“We really just wanted to travel the world,” Hyde explained while Parker worked in a sketchbook, “Free flights around the world so we can make our art? Heck yeah!” 

Parker nudged his partner and handed Hyde his sketchbook, “This is what I was thinking for my first one. Might make some alterations on the left side.” 

“That’s LIT bro!” 

“What are you gonna do?”

“I was just gonna come up with something once we found a spot, bro. You know me.” 

Parker sighed a little, “I suppose.” 

End interview

Unsettled by the awkward silence, Gwen stabbed forward and tried talking to Hyde, “So you’re graffiti artists? That’s so cool! I’ve always wanted to do something like that.” 

Hyde nodded, “If you have some time I can show you the ropes. Maybe when there’s some time off we can work together on a mural.” 

Courtney grabbed Gwen’s arm and tugged her away, “Can we maybe wait to talk with our enemies until we know which ones are willing to help us?” Gwen rolled her eyes in response. 

The fifteenth train rolled up. Don maintained the same face as always, “You may know her boyfriend from last season, but this Total Drama veteran is coming back with a friend of her own! Please welcome Bridgette and Bart, the Surfers!” Bridgette, in the same outfit she had worn for the previous seasons, and a tall guy with dirty blond hair stepped out. Bart had on an aqua colored t-shirt with a gradient that slowly transitioned to dark blue and a pair of khaki shorts. “What’s up guys?” Bridgette was a bit nervous after having gone years without seeing the other contestants. Gwen and Courtney nodded at her friendly-like. 

“Oh, uh, Hey y’all!” Brat greeted them dopily, “I’m Bart!” 

“He told us that already,” Noah piped up. 

“Oh,” Bart was a little hurt. 

“Glad to see you’re the same as always, Cody-kisser,” Bridgette shot back. Noah grumbled at the sore subject. 

Interview: Surfers

“So Geoff is in California working at a zoo, so he told me to take him and Brody’s place in this!” Bridgette was glowing.

“And, like, Brody was in Australia cause he got a gig at that opera place, so I was down.” 

“Bart and I used to surf together in a competition in Hawaii over the summers. I always beat him though.” 

“But I always won at basketball!” Bart pulled a basketball out of nowhere and chucked it at Bridgette, who got hit in the head by it and went tumbling to the floor. “OH MY GOD!” he rushed to check on her. 

End interview 

“Speaking of Geoff and Brody,” Don chose time drop some hints, “They might be showing up in some of the race’s legs this time around.” 

“Like I was supposed to last year?” Bridgette asked.

“What?” Gwen was confused.

“I was supposed to appear in one of the episodes last season, but I ended up getting cut out in favor of the rabbit challenge,” the surfer explained. Don averted his eyes and sighed in relief as the next train pulled in. 

The next two were strangely tall women. The taller of the two had long blonde hair that was tied back in a ponytail. Her green eyes were sparkly, and she wore a white tank top with a couple pink flowers on with a pair of jeans. The shorter of the tall girls was rather plain, with short black hair, brown eyes, and a baggy sweater (she also wore jeans). Before Don could say anything, Kitty gasped and her eyes went wide, “Is that Stacy707? Wait! Are YOU Stacy707?” 

The blonde girl blushed, “Yeah! Thanks!”

Clearly confused, Emma nudged her sister, “Who are you talking about?” 

“Stacy707!” Emma still stared blankly and Kitty sighed, “She runs the prank channel I watch!” she still received no response, “Do you seriously not know?” 

Stacy scanned the crowd and noticed only Jasmine was taller than her. She died a little inside, “Glad to see I’m one of the tallest here! I bet I’m really intimidating!” She was oddly positive. 

Interview: Pranksters

“Check out Stacy707 for great prank content and fun comedy skits!” the other girl grinned with faux excitement. Her face fell and she turned to Stacy, “Was that okay!” 

Stacy nodded, “You got it, Becky! You’ll be plugging like a pro at no time.” 

The other girl, named Becky, pulled a pair of glasses out of her pocket and put them on, “Couldn’t you have brought Thaddeus with you instead? I don’t see why I had to come.” 

“Thaddeus’s sister’s wedding is next month and he can’t be away for this long. Plus we’ve never really had a chance to hang out!” Stacy put an arm around Becky, “Gal pals for the win!” 

“Like we have a chance.” 

“What do you-“

“These people have YEARS of experience with reality tv. They know these games inside and out, and we don’t. All we know is how to fake funny pranks for views and likes on Stacy707, subscribe today.”

Stacy stewed for a moment before responding, “Maybe try not to be so pessimistic, but good plug.” 

End interview

“As I was going to say before Kitty so rudely interrupted,” Don finally got to the team’s former introduction, “Please welcome Becky and Stacy, the Pranksters!” They quickly shuffled to the side to make room for the next train, which was quickly approaching. When it stopped and the doors opened, a smoke bomb went off from within, filling the doorway with billowing white and grey smoke. Two figures stepped out and became clear once they passed through the crowd. They were a good few inches shorter than everyone else, and were dressed in magician get-up. The taller of the two was a man in his four ties or fifties, who had a traditional magician’s outfit on, with the hat hiding his greeting black hair that poked messily out from under it. He had a stark black soul patch on his chin. The other was a younger girl probably around twenty years old. Her brown hair cascaded down her back and she wore a long magician’s coat, which almost stretched down to her shins. “Behold! Regan and Phyllis, the Magicians!” Don announced mysteriously. 

The man, Reagan chose to share a simple greeting, “Hello. I cannot wait to see you eliminated.” Eyeing a coffee stand set up to the side of the podium for the interns and contestants, he pushed through the competitors to grab a cup of joe. Phyllis was a bit kinder, “Hey everybody! I can’t wait to get to know all of you! Sorry about Reagan,” she gestured at the older magician, who was downing his third cup of coffee after mere seconds of getting to the station, “He’s a bit of a killjoy but a big softie inside.” 

“Don’t call me a big softie.” 

“Then explain the album on your phone labeled ‘Soft Kitties’! I know that’s not mom’s!” Reagan grumbled. 

Interview: Magicians 

“I don’t see why we have to be here,” Reagan asked, near-emotionless. 

“Mom said that it was either this or family counseling and I know you have a vendetta against therapists.” 

“They’re so judgy.”

“It’s their job. We just have to work together for a while and then we can go home. It’s not that hard.” 

“For you maybe it isn’t.” 

“Hey! Why don’t you teach me some more card tricks? You’re great at those!” 

“Maybe later,” Reagan stood and left the interview booth. Phyllis, already tired, sighed and followed him. 

End interview

Since Regan had nothing more to say and Phyllis needed to cool down before she snapped, Don ushered in the eighteenth and final train car. “You’ll recognize one of these two as one of the most infamous and flirtatious competitors in Total Drama history,” he teased the arrival as the car stopped, “The other of the two is a brand new contestant here to wreak even more havoc on the competition,” the doors opened, “Please welcome,” the last team stepped out, “The Latin Siblings-Alejandro and Juno!” 

Alejandro was the first to speak, “Buenos Dias, my fellow contestants! I hope that we will engage in a merry competition this season!” Courtney stepped forward and kicked him in the crotch, making him double over in pain. “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!” he screeched as he collapsed to the floor.

“The entirety of season 3.” Courtney responded. Alejandro slowly stood up, but before he could Gwen darted in and followed up with a second crotch kick. He once again struggled to stand before Noah got in a third and final kick. “Third time’s the charm, I wonder if you’ll be able to have kids after this.”

Interview: Latin Siblings

Juno stared Alejandro down with her cold, grey eyes, “I’m not sure what I was expecting. Good to see you’re in good graces.”

“Joke’s on them,” he snarled, “I haven’t been able to have kids since the finale in Hawaii.” 

“I don’t get how that’s a victory.” Juno was about her half-brother’s age, and was very clearly athletic. For the race, she had gone with a red t-shirt and jeans, not wanting to wear anything too excessive. She had short, black hair that was meticulously brushed. 

Alejandro grumbled, “This is my chance to finally blow this stupid show out of the water. Between Heather sending me down the volcano and Mal sending me down the toilet, I am 2-0 when it comes to victories. The only reason I chose you instead of Jose or Antonio is because you lack any sort of contempt for me that would slow us down.” 

“And because Heather actually has a life and a normal job, so you couldn’t bring her.” 

“Acting as if my life is normal is a blatant lie, hermana.” 

“Media-hermana.” Alejandro rolled his eyes at the correction.

End interview

Don directed the eighteen teams to form two rough groups on either side of the podium. Once that was ready, he launched into the opening speech. An intern rolled out the world map from the interview booth and placed it behind him. “Today eighteen teams stand in Toronto. By the end of the day one of these teams will be heading home. In three and a half weeks, one of you will be crowned the winner of Total Drama: Ridonculer Race. This year’s race will consist of twenty four legs spread across seven continents. You’ll be traveling to South America,” the screen changed from the world map to a drone shot of the Christ the Redeemer statue in Brazil, “Africa,” the footage cut to the light of sunset glinting on the African Renaissance Monument in Senegal, “Asia,” thousands of fans cheered as a K-Pop group performed in a stadium, “Antarctica,” a shot from a helicopter displayed miles upon miles of sprawling tundra, “Australia,” the sun rose behind the Sydney Opera House, “Europe,” two mugs frothing with beer clinked in a London pub, “And North America!” the final bit of footage was of the teams standing in the train station as Don gave his speech. The intern wheeled the screen out and Don continued. 

“On the front steps of the trains station you’ll find a Don Box that will lead you to your very first challenge. Once you have completed the challenge, you will race to the Chill Zone. The last team to reach the Chill Zone will be eliminated. Are you ready?” 

“YEAH!” the competitors (bar B and Reagan) cheered.

Don pointed to the front doors, “The Ridonculer Race begins now! LET’S GO! The thirty six contestants began a mad dash for the front steps. 

-Teams Remaining: Goths (Crimson and Ennui), Ice Dancers (Jacques and Jossee), Tennis Rivals (Gerry and Pete), Fashion Bloggers (Tom and Jen), Sisters (Emma and Kitty), Best Friends (Noah and Owen),  
Survivalists (Shawn and Jasmine), Reality TV Pros (Sky and Lightning), Nice Guys (Brick and Zoey), Odd Duo (Dawn and B), Duncan’s Exes (Gwen and Courtney), Reality TV Hosts (Chris and Chef),  
Senior Sweethearts (Peggy and Edith), Graffiti Artists (Parker and Hyde), Surfers (Bart and Bridgette), Pranksters (Becky and Stacy), Magicians (Reagan and Phyllis), Latin Siblings (Alejandro and Juno)

-Placements: N/A

-Elimination Order: N/A


	2. None Down, Eighteen to Go (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The eighteen teams begin their first leg of the race, battling it out in Toronto, Canada!

“Last time on the Ridonculer Race,” Don announced, “We met our eighteen teams competing this season. Some competed last season, some are Total Drama veterans, and some are brand new to the show!” As he introduced the teams, photos of them appeared on the screen in a 3 x 6 grid. “The Goths, Ice Dancers, Tennis Rivals, Fashion Bloggers, Sisters, Best Friends, Survivalists, Reality TV Pros, Nice Guys, Odd Duo, Duncan’s Exes, Reality TV Hosts, Senior Sweethearts, Graffiti Artists, Surfers, Pranksters, Magicians, and Latin Siblings are headed to their very first Don Box! Let’s check on them, shall we?” 

Sky went flying through the air and landed at the bottom of the steps, banging her chin on the button of the Don Box. Lightning shoved his way through the other thirty four and snatched the ticket. He went to read it, but realized he wasn’t quite sure how and held it up to Sky’s face so she could read it. Jacques and Josse shoved Sky off the Don Box and received their Travel Ticket, which Jacques read aloud. “Travel to the CN Tower for an Either/Or Challenge: Stairs or Scares! Either climb 144 flights of stairs or take the elevator and take a sky-walk around the tower.” Quickly securing the lead, the Ice Dancers booked it for the nearest taxi. Sky helped herself to her feet and grabbed Lightning’s arm, dragging him along, “Great job Lightning! Throw me at the Don Box and nearly break my chin so we can come in first! Brilliant!” 

Lightning stumbled when Sky came to a sudden stop outside a taxi and shoved him in, “In Sha-Lightning’s defense, he does not think things over beforehand.”

Sky got in as Lightning got buckled up, “How is that in your defense?” She addressed the cab driver, “CN Tower, please.” 

“I don’t know why but I know it is,” Lightning fired back. 

The Surfers, Sisters, and Tennis Rivals were third, fourth, and fifth to reach the Don Box. They grabbed their tips and peeled out. Sixth and seventh were the Senior Sweethearts and Latin Sibs. Next were the Survivalists, Magicians, Pranksters, and Goths. At one point the Odd Duo received their tip but it was hard to tell when. Last to make it were the Best Friends and Reality TV Hosts. Noah sighed and slammed his palm on the button while Chris and Chef waited patiently. He smacked his lips a few times and made sure to block off the Box as he and Owen read it silently. Getting more and more antsy, Chris gave up and shoved the two out of the way. “Wow, I thought you’d be nicer on this show,” the snarker snarked.

“Wow, I thought you’d be less useless on this show,” Chris scanned his tip and whistles for a cab. Noticing a bus headed in the CN Tower’s general direction, Noah pointed Owen, who was also trying to wave a taxi down, to it. “Big guy! Forget the cab, we have a bus.” 

“What exactly is that supposed to do?”

Noah internally facepalmed, “......Take is to the CN Tower.” 

“Oooooooh!” Owen slung Noah over his shoulder and rushed towards the bus. 

—CN Tower—

Devious grins on their faces, the Ice Dancers stepped out of the cab and made it to the CN Tower first. “Look Jacques!” Josse giggled, “We got GOLD!”

“WE GOT GOLD! WE GOT GOLD! WE GOT GOLD!” they cheered together. 

“Don’t we still have to do the challenge?” Jacques asked.

“The others don’t have a chance! We’re taking stairs!” the two laughed gleefully as they dashed inside. Screeching to a halt in their cab, Edith busted out of the driver’s seat and yelled at the terrified driver, who was sitting shotgun, “And that’s how you drive in TORONTO!” she slammed her door and opened Peggy’s. The taller wife curtsied daintily as she stepped out, “Come my bride, we’re taking scares!” they hurried inside as more cabs pulled up.

Don suddenly appeared outside the CN Tower, “This gorgeous skyscraper behind the gorgeous man before you has six elevators. Once those elevators are full, Scares will be declared off limits and the remaining teams will be forced to take Scares.” 

Lightning shoved Sky out of their taxi. “Don’t shove me!” she barked at him.

“Sha-chill skinny girl! Lightning’s got this taken care of! We’re taking STAIRS!”

“I am not about to climb 144 flights of stairs.” 

“You don’t sha-gotta!” Lightning threw Sky over his back in a fireman’s carry and dashed in. 

Bart rocketed out of the taxi, falling flat on his face as he did so. Bridgette casually exited and winced at his pain. As the male surfer staggered to his feet, he made a rational guess, “Let's take Scares. We don’t have any potassium and I get leg cramps real bad.”

“That’s smart,” Bridgette nodded, “We don’t want to end up like Geoff and Brody last season.” They took off, chuckling at the memory. Next to make it was the Sister’s cab, which pulled in front of a bus that deposited Noah and Owen. Surprised to have arrived at the perfect time, the Best Friends matched pace with the two girls. “Which one are you taking?” Noah panted.” 

Emma pointed star the skywalk, which had been set up at the tippity top of the tower, “We’re taking scares.”

“We are?” Kitty was surprised and slowed down a little.

“Yeah! We don’t want to waste our energy.” 

The younger sister picked up speed again, “It’s just that we took Scares last time. I was hoping we could do Stairs.” 

“If you want to we can. I was just thinking it would be faster. We can do Stairs if you want.” 

“No it’s fine.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Okay.”

Owen, who was running alongside them, chuckled nervously, “Awwwwkward.” 

Inside, the first two elevators took off. One contained the Senior Sweethearts and Surfers, and the other had the Sisters and Best Friends. Outside, four tacos arrived at once. Out stepped the Latin Siblings, Pranksters, Tennis Rivals, and Goths. Seeing that they were in the middle of the pack, Juno turned to Alejandro, “Hurry, media-hermano. We need to take Scares. It’s faster.” 

The manipulator shrugged, “If you insist, dear sister.”

“Half-sister.” Gerry stopped and marveled at the skyscraper before them. He turned to Pete and both yelled at once, “STAIRS! JINX YOU OWE ME A COKE! TWO COKES! HELL YEAH!” Pete pushes his teammate to the ground and dashed inside. The Goths silently decided to take the elevator. Stacy rushed out of her cab and quickly let Becky out. The blonde prankster excitedly asked the other, “Becks! Do you want to take the stairs or the elevator?” 

Becky sighed and thought it over for a hot second, “Neither of us have the endurance to take the stairs. Taking the elevator is the only way we’ll have a chance.” 

“Aren’t you afraid of heights though? What about the skywalk?”

“I’ll be fine.” 

“Ooh! I have a video idea,” Stacy somehow scooped Becky up in her arms (against her protests) and started towards the tower, “We need to make sure to get an elevator to ourselves!” 

Elevators 3 and 4 took off, but the fifth remained on the ground. Each only had one team in them, Latin Siblings, Pranksters, and Goths respectively, but while the former two had no qualms about leaving others behind, the Goths were more sympathetic. Good thing for the next teams to arrive too. Reagan, Phyllis, Gwen, and Courtney jumped into the elevator and Courtney quickly slammed on the ‘Close Doors’ button. “Heck yeah!” she pumped her fist, “Middle of the pack!” 

“And that’s a good thing…..?” Gwen was unsure.

“We’re not at risk of losing and we won’t be targeted by people seeking to get ahead. This is the perfect place to be.” 

“I mean I guess.” 

Phyllis turned to Reagan, who was sipping a cup of coffee, “Do you think we should try talking to the other teams? This could be a good chance to strategize.” 

Reagan sighed, “Phyllis, I’ve only had three cups of coffee so far. It’s going to be another hour before I wake up completely.” Phyllis facepalmed at his response. Crimson and Ennui didn’t say anything, but they were holding hands. 

—Interview: The Goths—

“Last time we lost because we got distracted,” Ennui explained monotonously, “All we can focus on this time is the game and each other.” 

“That’s why we left Loki at home. He’s a liability.” 

“Our goth hearts will have to be enough to lead us through,” Ennui placed a hand on Crimson’s shoulder.

“Yes….our goth hearts.”

—Interview ended—

Brick and Zoey marched into the lobby and became the first team to make it to the last elevator. “What’s our game plan?” Zoey wasn’t quite sure what her teammate wanted to do. 

Brick moved to guard the buttons, “Let’s make sure as many teams as possible get to take the elevator. We don’t want anyone missing out.” 

“Roger!” As Zoey watched, the Survivalists, Odd Duo, and Graffiti Artists hurried into the elevators. “I think we’re good to go!” she called over to Brick. 

“One second!” he yelled back. Glancing out, Zoey saw that Chris and Chef had finally arrived. Horribly out of breath, they launched towards the door. Brick pressed the button at the last possible second, slamming the doors just as Chris reached them. Don entered the lobby, “The last elevator has departed! Our remaining two teams, the Reality TV Hosts and Fashion Bloggers, will have to take the stairs!” Chef swore as he slung his husband over his shoulder and started up the stairs, “This is your f***ing fault, Chris!”

“Sorry, dude! I was not expecting them to be so fast.” 

“Then EXPECT IT NEXT TIME!” 

Don clicked his ear piece as he watched the two rocket upstairs, “Where are the Fashion Bloggers, anyways?” 

—Interview: Nice Guys—

“I’m all for fair play,” Brick stood with his hands clasped behind his back, “But messing with Chris is too good an opportunity to pass up,” he cracked a smile. 

“It is kind of nice to be on his level for once,” Zoey had a handful of dandelions and was braiding them into a flower crown.

“Chris has no regard for playing by the rules. Once he’s out of the game we’ll be able to compete fairly and to our full potential!” 

“What he said!” Zoey smiled awkwardly. 

—————————————————————  
-Order of Arrival to CN Tower: Ice Dancers, Senior Sweethearts, Reality TV Pros, Surfers, Sisters, Best Friends, Latin Sibs, Tennis Rivals, Goths, Pranksters, Duncan’s Exes, Magicians, Nice Guys, Survivalists, Odd Duo, Graffiti Artists, Reality TV Hosts, Fashion Bloggets (MIA)  
-Stairs: Ice Dancers, Reality TV Pros, Tennis Rivals, Reality TV Hosts, Fashion Bloggers (MIA)  
-Scares: Senior Sweethearts, Surfers, Sisters, Best Friends, Latin Sibs, Goths, Pranksters, Duncan’s Exes, Magicians, Nice Guys, Survivalists, Odd Duo, Graffiti Artists  
—————————————————————

—Elevator 4– 

Becky stood back nervously while Stacy handled the camera they had brought with them. “Are you sure you want to film? I never look good in front of the camera,” she questioned nervously.

Stacy chuckled, “Of course! You need to build your confidence and this is the best way to do so.” She flicked a switch and a light on the camera came on to indicate it was filming. She cleared a throat and rushed through the introduction, “What’s up, unnamed fan base? This is Stacy707 coming at you with a rocking prank on my friend at the CN Tower. We are currently in an elevator, so it’s time for a classic.” She stepped to the board of buttons and raked her hand across it, making sure that every button was lit up. 

Becky saw it and gasped, “STACY!” 

“Pranked!” Stacy nodded as if to tell herself ‘job well done’. 

“This is going to take forever! We’re going to come in last, and we’re going to lose first, and it’s going to be a stupid waste of time and-“ 

“It’s gonna be fine! No need to worry! We’ll figure something out. I’ll figure something out.” Becky nodded, but was clearly panicked. 

—Stairwell: Flight 42 of 144–

Having made it through a third of the stairs, Lightning was keeping pace surprisingly well, though he was having troubles breathing. Sky had gone limp, and now hummed music loudly in his ear as he carried her. Finally, he screeched to a halt, “Will you SHA-PLEASE stop humming so loud, gym girl?” 

“I’m sorry that you decided to throw me over your shoulders for no reason just because you wanted to take the stairs.”

“It was sha-not for no good reason! The Lightning needs to beat those Ice Clowns!” 

“They’re called Ice Dancers, genius.” 

“The Lightning doesn’t care what they’re sha-called! They look like sha-clowns!” He started running up the stairs again, but slipped and went bouncing down the many flights he had already climbed. Sky broke loose and managed to stop her fall, but Lightning was unable to and went bouncing down the stairs. After glancing down into the winding abyss of stairs, Sky sighed and went after the mega-jock. 

—Elevator 2–

Kitty watched Owen carefully, terrified that he would rip out a massive fart like he did in the first season. Thankfully, Noah had ensured his buddy had gone without ant beans, and Owen was engrossed in a travel pamphlet he had grabbed from the tower’s lobby. Assured of her nose’s safety, Kitty broke the silence between Noah and Emma, “So we’re working together this time, right?”

Emma nodded, but had her arms crossed, “It's practically a given. We’re both formidable teams alone, and together nobody stands a chance.” 

“I mean are you comfortable with it even though you and Noah broke-“

“I know Kitty. I was there. And I’m fine with it if Noah is.” 

Noah nodded, “I’m good. You’re the last vote Owen. What do you think?” He nudged the pudgy blond, who was zoned out and had been staring at the same spot of the pamphlet for a few minutes. He broke from his trance, “Uh, yeah Noah!” Noah and Emma nodded simultaneously, and Kitty snapped a selfie. 

—Interview: Sisters—

Kitty was a bit uneasy, “Are you SURE that you want to work with Noah and Owen again? It just feels a bit weird.” 

“Of course. We broke up amicably, there’s no problem. Just…..just stop talking about it.” 

“Okay, okay. I won’t bring it up.” The two sisters turned away from each other and stewed in silence. 

—Stairwell: Flight 89 of 144–

“We’re almost there, Jacques!” Josse panted as they ascended the seemingly endless flights. Both Ice Dancers were drenched in sweat, having gotten a bit out of shape between seasons. 

Jacques groaned uneasily, “I’m not sure about this Josse, maybe we should have taken Scares.” 

Josse theatrically grabbed her partner's arm, “JACQUES! We are graceful athletes with self-respect coming out of our ears! We have no need for elevators or skywalks! We have stairs! And plenty of them. And!” she posed dramatically, “WE WILL CRUSH THIS STUPID COMPETITION AND SHOW THEM THAT WE ARE DESERVING OF THE GOLD MEDAL!” Josse whooped and charged forward, ignoring Jacques as he stumbled up the stairs behind her. 

—Elevator 5–

The situation in Elevator 5 was particularly awkward. Reagan and Courtney had no interest in talking to the other, and both Phyllis and Gwen were too awkward to talk to each other. Thus both we left to talk to their teammate. “Hey, uh, dad?” Phyllis nudged the elder magician with her elbow, “Do you maybe wanna talk about our plans for the race?” 

Reagan shrugged, “Our plan is to win. Do we need anything else?” He took another sip of coffee. 

“I don’t know? Do we?” 

Reagan thought for a second before smiling and pulling out a deck of card, “These games are simple,” he removed the cards from the pack, “It’s all about probability and shifting that probability,” he rapidly shuffled the deck without looking at it, “As long as we either have favorable odds or someone else has unfavorable odds we will survive.” With a devilish grin he pulled the top four cards off the deck and revealed that all four were kings. “It will all come together like magic.” 

Phyllis cocked her head and looked at him strangely, “That was a really nice speech, but what does it mean and how on earth did you do that card trick?” 

“I just worked the favorable odds.” 

Courtney coughed loudly and interjected. “That entire deck is kings.” Gwen chuckled at the not-so-magical truth behind the trick. Reagan fumbled, dropping the deck to reveal that every card was, indeed, a king.

Reagan grumbled and pulled out a thermos, which he poured his coffee into, “You could have at least kept it mysterious.”

—Stairwell: Flight 51 of 144–

Chris breathed heavily and dragged himself up the stairs, panting and out of breath. Chef stood behind him, taking a single step every time his husband managed to make it up another, which wasn’t often. “Chris?” he sighed, “I’m going to carry you the rest of the way up.” 

“No!” Chris gasped for air like a fish out of water, “I can DO this!” 

“It’s pretty obvious that you can’t.” Hearing that, Chris collapsed. He was a sweaty, out of breath heap. Years of easy living had gotten him far too out of shape. Sighing, Chef picked the ex-host up and cradled him in his arms. “Stop!” Chris struggled, “I’m not a baby!” 

Resigning himself to the loss of all of his dignity, Chef began to sing in a soft voice, “Hush little baby, don’t make a fuss. Chef is gonna win you a million bucks.” Chris immediately passed out cold from the lullaby. Chef glanced at the camera and grumbled a quick explanation, “What can I say? Boy likes his lullabies.” 

—Elevator 6–

The lift was a bit cramped with four different teams stuffed inside. Parker and Hyde had sequestered themselves to a corner so they could compare plans for their first graffiti project of the race. Dawn had pulled out a sizable rock and miniature pickaxe from the pocket on he sweatshirt, and was slowly chipping away at the rock while B stacked several small tools on top of each other as he cautiously tried to balance them. They had taken a place by the elevator buttons to ensure there were no incidents. Brick, Zoey, Jasmine, and Shawn were standing in the center of the elevator. Since the ceiling wasn’t exactly height-friendly, Jasmine had to hunch down a bit and remove her hat. 

“So Jasmine and Sammy come home from dinner to find me tied up, lying face down in the yard, and covered head to toe in barbeque sauce. It took three showers to get rid of all the ants that had gathered on me,” Shawn finished a story, and the other three burst out laughing. 

“Oh you should hear some of the stories I have,” Zoey had to resist the urge to chuckle, “Mike and I went to one of his cousin’s weddings once and it was a struggle for him to keep Chester from critiquing the bride’s dress the whole time.” 

“You have GOT to be joking,” Jasmine snickered. 

“Once he saw the buffet spread it was too much; it took everythingI had in me to keep Chester from fighting the wedding planner.” 

Jasmine doubled over, “What about you Brick?” she turned to the fashion cadet, “You got any good girlfriend stories?”

He shook his head, “Alas, it's been a couple of years since I’ve gone out with anyone. And the last person I dated turned out to be going by a fake name to avoid a warrant for stealing three televisions.” A bit off put by that last comment, Jasmine and Shawn quickly found something to distract them. On the other side of the elevator, B quickly signed something to Dawn, who read the message and answered, “My tea leaves gave us good signs for today. I do not believe we will lose just yet.” B signed once more, and Dawn pauses to think over his question. 

“It is hard to tell who will lose. There’s no real outliers in the auras. Well just have to wait and see.” B signed one last time. Smiling, Dawn searched through her hoodie pocket for a second and handed her teammate a handful of chocolates. 

—Elevator 1–

“Soooo,” Bridgette asked awkwardly as the Senior Sweethearts stretched, “How are you?” 

Peggy rapidly popped her knuckles before glancing up, “Good, good. I’m ready to bust some heads.” 

Edith playfully shoved Peggy a bit, “Don't just say that! They’ll call the cops on ya!” 

“Oh please!” Peggy flexed dramatically, “You think a bunch of coppers can take me?” 

—Interview: Peggy

“I’ve been arrested four hundred eighty six times in forty three cities across six countries.”

—Interview ended—

As the wives quickly escalated their rapport into increasingly violent boasts, Bart elbowed Bridgette with a question, “So do we have a plan or a strategy or something?” 

Bridgette shrugged, “Not really. Geoff told it’s a pretty laid back show compared to normal Total Drama. We just have to stay on top of things and always move fast.” On cue, the elevator doors slid open to announce their arrival at the top floor. Heeding Bridgette’s advice, Bart bolted to the exit, but ran smack into Edith, who was also bolting out. He tumbled backwards and landed on his rear. Outside the elevator, Peggy adjusted her helmet and attached her cable to the bar, “How do I look babe?” she asked Edith.

Edith hooked her cable to the bar and stepped out onto the skywalk, gripping the bar to keep herself from falling off, “You look like you’re about to fall off a building, which you are if you don’t get moving.” 

Peggy started inching her way across the walkway, “That’s so sweet honey!”

—Stairwell: Flight 144 of 144–

Covered in sweat and with little breath left in her lungs, Josse kicked open the stairwell door and flung herself out, “We did it!” she leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor. A few seconds later, Jacques made it out as well. Quickly scanning the room he rejoiced, “WE GOT GOLD!” the skater cheered. 

Josse leapt back to her feet, “WE GOT GOLD!” 

“WE GOT GOLD!” they both screamed, gathering some odd looks from the few civilians in the room. A tired looking man in jeans, a Canada flag shirt, Canada flag hat, and glasses stepped forward and held out a travel tip, “I’m guessing you’re part of the show?” 

Josse snatched the tip, “You BET we are!” She quickly read it over and gasped, “Botch or Watch! Whoever is holding the travel tip must take a zip line off the top of the tower and attempt to grab their team’s passports, which are tied to the zipline. If they fail, they will take the elevator directly up to the challenge and try again.” Dashing towards the ladder up to the zip lines, Josse shouted shrilly, “Come Jacques! It’s time for me to zipline!”

Peggy and Edith burst through the door, taking off their helmets to reveal frizzy helmet hair beneath. Edith was the first to notice the Canadian flag-clad man, and dashed over to grab the travel tip. She read it and whooped, “I get to zipline!” She high-fived Peggy and hurried for the door. The Surfers arrived next, and Bart broke out in a sweat when he found out he had to botch. 

—Elevator 4–

“Shhh, just keep breathing. It’ll be okay. We’re almost to the top.” Stacey was knelt down reassuring Becky, who was curled in a ball and was rocking back and forth. The camera had been hastily stuffed in its bag. After a few more seconds, Becky took a deep breath and shakily returned to standing. “Okay, I’m ready to do this.” 

Stacy exhaled out of relief and gestured to the elevator buttons, which were slowly ticking off one by one, “We only have ten or so floors to go until we reach the top. We still have a chance to get back in the game.” Becky nodded, but still had a worried expression on her face.

—Skywalk—

As Noah eased himself onto the skywalk, he noticed a familiar face, “YOU!” 

Alejandro grinned, “It’s good to see you again, Noah. When was the last time we met, World Tour?” 

“That was the last time we’ve met in person, but I’ve had nightmares about you since then.”

“Were they nightmares or were they…..dreams.” 

“I’m going to pretend that you’re not implying what I think you are. How’s your family? Do they still hate you?” 

“Bad news for you, Noah. I’ve found one member of my family who does not blindly despise me! Please meet my half-sister Juno.” Juno, who had started walking the skywalk before Alejandro, noticed that he had stopped moving and tugged on his arm, “Media, we must be moving. We cannot let these fools outpace us.” 

Alejandro nodded and waved goodbye to Noah with his free hand, “Goodbye, Noah, I hope we see each other again soon!” 

Juno and Alejandro finished the skywalk and strolled into the room where the next challenge awaited. Alejandro snatched up the travel tip and sped read it, “It looks like I have to zipline and grab our passports while you wait to the side.” At that moment, the Reality TV Pros burst out of the stairwell, and Lightning tossed Sky to the ground, “Why are you so sha-dang heavy?” he landed as he blindly stumbled forward.

Sky dusted herself off and grabbed a travel tip before her teammate could, “I should probably get this, considering I’m the one who can’t read.” Her eyes lit up, “Finally something fun!” Not bothering to inform Lightning of what it was, she ran to the ziplines. 

—Interview: Latin Siblings—

“Who’s that guy?” Juno examined her nails, which weren’t painted or anything she just thought they looked nice.

“His name’s Noah,” Alejandro gritted his teeth, “He's a no good grifter who feels the need to insult my honor because I play the game as intended.” 

“There was an oddly flirtatious air to your conversation. Was that intentional?” Juno giggled a little. 

“Cállate.” 

—Ziplines—

Josse strapped into her helmet and braces herself. With a panicked yelp, she jumped and zipped down the line (I guess that’s why they call it a zipline). Seeing a small ziploc bag containing two plastic cards, she reached out and successfully snagged it. Twisting around to get Jacques in her field of view, she yelled up to him, “Come on down Jacques!” Her teammate gave a loud cheer and quickly got himself attached to the second harness, before zipping down as well. 

—Travel Tip—

Noah, Owen, Emma, and Kitty stepped out from the skywalk. Kitty snapped a quick selfie with Emma before running to get travel tips for both teams. “That was not a face I wanted to see today,” Noah grumbled. 

“Is that the Spanish guy that Heather’s dating?” Emma asked. Noticing Noah’s odd look she clarified, “It’s been a year since I’ve watched any Total Drama. Go easy on me.” 

“Yeah, and he’s a no-good eel. Watch out for him.” Kitty returned with both tips and handed one to Owen. Owen’s expression soured, “Well crud, I have to zipline!” 

“Good luck on that, big guy,” Noah started off to the ziplines, and the other three followed. 

—Chill Zone—

Sprinting full force, Jacques and Josse slid onto the Chill Zone and confronted Don. “DID WE DO IT?” Josse yelled, “DID WE GET GOLD!” 

Don covered his ears in pain, “Yes! The Ice Dancers take gold, er, first!” As they joyfully danced away he mumbled, “These two are a lot dumber than I remember.” 

Quickly switching over to a television monitor, Don continued, “Edith, Sky, Alejandro, and Kitty complete the zipline challenge and collect their passports. That leaves the Best Friends and Surfers at the ziplines, Magicians and Duncan’s Exes on the Skywalk; Tennis Rivals and Reality TV Hosts on the stairs; Odd Duo, Survivalists, Nice Guys, Graffiti Artists, and Pranksters in the elevators; and Fashion Bloggers still missing!” 

—Zipline—

Noah looked at Owen seriously, “Okay Owen. This is your third try and you need to get the passport this time. Do you have any ideas that might help you?” 

Owen glanced around nervously, “We don’t need to worry just yet. There’s only one other team here.” 

Unfortunately for him, a dramatic voice spoke from inside the building, “Did someone say one team?” Wearing their sparkly fezzes, Tom and Jen stepped out. “The Fashion Bloggers are here and-“

Noah interrupted, “Didn’t you two disappear? How’d you get here so fast?” 

Jen giggled and launched into an explanation, “So on the way here we ran into John McBain-“

“He’s the CEO of the company that owns the CN Tower,” Tom filled in.

“And he offered us a PRIVATE TOUR plus a free ride in his private elevator. So we got here ultra-fast with no worries.” Jen finished. 

Owen, who had been thinking silently, spoke up, “Do you guys have any scissors?” 

“Scissors? Yeah!” Jen handed him a pair and Owen stepped over to his zipline. “Here goes nothing!” he said offhandedly to Noah. Owen took off down the line and tried his best not to scream. As soon as he saw the bag containing his and Noah’s passports, he whipped out the scissors and snipped the zipline in two, sending him and the bag flying down to land with a thud on a mattress. Opening his eyes and seeing the bag, he gave Noah a big thumbs-up. Reading over the travel tip, Jen hurried over to their zipline and started putting the harness on. 

—Stairwell: Flight 118 of 144–

Chef gently carried the still sleeping Chris up the stairs. Pausing to think, he wound up before launching the host up a few flights. Bursting out laughing, he ran to retrieve Chris (who landed on flight 123) and to see if he was still sleeping. 

—Chill Zone—

In a blur, several teams ran over the finish line to the Chill Zone. Don stood smiling to the side and announced, “Senior Sweethearts take second! Latin Siblings take third! Reality TV Pros take fourth! Sisters take fifth! And Best Friends take sixth! Twelve teams are still at risk of elimination! 

—Ziplines—

While Gwen, Ennui, and Reagan got suited up to take the zipline and Gerry tried to convince Pete to do the Botch or Watch instead, Becky and Stacy arrived. “See,” Stacy soothed a still-stressed Becky, “We managed to make it before some of the others. We’re going to make it. It’s going to be fine.” Becky nodded, but was a numb. Having taken the travel tip, Stacey was the one who had to zipline. While she was getting suited up, Dawn and B dashed by. Becky perked up as she watched them go by, “Who’s that?” 

Stacy glanced at the Odd Duo before getting back to work on her harness, “That’s B and Dawn. Why m, do you think he’s cute?” She chuckled, “Not that I’m pressuring you into telling me that; you don’t have to tell me, don’t worry.” 

“Oh actually I think-“

“Here I go!” Stacy flew down the zipline and snatched up the passports. 

—Interview: Stacy—

Stacy was soaring down the zipline, but managed to focus enough to talk to the camera, “I’ve been thinking about what’s going on with Becky and I think I’ve figured out what she needs.” She smiled, proud of herself, “She needs a boyfriend! I just need to find a guy she has chemistry with and get them together! Operation Becky’s Boyfriend begins now!” 

—Chill Zone—

Don waited in anticipation as Tom and Jen approached and stepped onto the Chill Zone mat. “So Don,” Jen asked, bubbling over with curiosity, “How’d we do?” 

“Fashion Bloggers….” he began as they leaned forward in anticipation, “You have received a fifteen minute penalty!” 

“What?!”

“You two completely skipped the first challenge. I think that’s worthy of a penalty.” 

Seeing his partner’s worried face, Tom tried to lighten the mood, “I doubt the other teams will arrive too quickly. Ten to one were golden.” 

As he spoke, multiple teams crossed the mat, “Magicians take seventh! Goths are eighth! Duncan’s Exes have made it in ninth and the Tennis Rivals in tenth! Last but not least, the Pranksters are eleventh!” Ignoring the encouragement, Jen worried harder.

—Skywalk—

“Okay,” Bridgette helped Bart back onto the zipline, “Fifth time’s the charm; I have confidence in you.” 

Bart nodded and kicked off, “I’ll dooooooooooo thiiiiiiiiis!” He screamed, flailing wildly. Thankfully one of his flails hit the passports and they went cascading to the ground. Bridgette shot a thumbs up before rushing to grab a harness and get herself hooked up to the line. 

On the other side of the tower, Brick worked on getting himself attached, “Not to worry, Zoey. I’ve done the zipline at boot camp a hundred times over.” 

“Didn’t you say you could never do the zipline at boot camp right?” 

“Okay maybe some worries are warranted. But not too many!” Brick kicked off and reached out for their passports. However, his harness somehow became detached and he went flying to the ground, landing on one of the mattresses with a muffled scream. Zoey winced. 

—Chill Zone—

“And the Surfers arrive in twelfth. Good job!” Don congratulated them. “The Fashion Bloggers still have ten minutes left on the penalty. As he spoke, Parker and Hyde arrived. “And the Graffiti Artists take thirteenth!”

—Ziplines—

“Are you ready?” Jasmine finished buckling her boyfriend into the harness. Thankfully Shawn had grabbed the travel tip, as she would have been a bit too tall for the zipline. He nodded and a swift kick to the pants sent him down. With his expert reflexes at work, he swiped the passports in a blink of an eye and raised his fist in victory. 

“You just have to believe in yourself Brick,” Zoey hastily strapped Brick back in the harness, “Try not to fidget; I think that’s what’s making it fall off the zipline.”

“You know, maybe we should get a different harness.” Brick commented. Before Zoey could respond, Chef came barreling out of the stairwell with a sleeping Chris in his arms. He accidentally bumped into Brick and sent him screaming over the edge. Like before, he got about a third of the way down the line before the harness searched and he landed on a mattress. 

—————————————————————  
-Order of Arrival to Botch or Watch: Ice Dancers, Senior Sweethearts, Surfers, Latin Siblings, Reality TV Pros, Best Friends, Sisters, Fashion Bloggers, Duncan’s Exes, Magicians, Goths, Tennis Rivals, Pranksters, Odd Duo, Nice Guys, Survivalists, Graffiti Artists, Reality TV Hosts  
-Botch: Josse, Edith, Bart, Alejandro, Sky, Owen, Kitty, Jen, Gwen, Reagan, Ennui, Gerry, Dawn, Brick, Shawn, Hyde, Chef  
-Watch: Jacques, Peggy, Bridgette, Juno, Lightning, Noah, Emma, Tom, Courtney, Phyllis, Crimson, Pete, B, Zoey, Jasmine, Parker, Chris  
—————————————————————

—Chill Zone—

“Good job, Shawn and Jasmine! You’ve placed fourteenth!” The two survivalists high-fived before heading off to the hotel. Don turned to grab a drink of water, and ran right into Dawn and B, who were standing on the Carpet of the Completion, “Holy Moses!” He jumped back, “I have no idea where you came from, but you two got fifteenth!” 

“Thank you, Don. Make sure to call your mother.” Dawn handed B a flute and he began to play a tune as they walked away. Don smiled at the camera once again, “With five minutes left on their penalty, Will the Fashion Bloggers be able to make it in time?” 

—Zipline—

Chef quickly got himself nice and snug and the harness, and got hooked up to the zipline. Realizing he couldn’t leave the still unconscious Chris alone, he quickly wrapped him in his arms and took a leap of the building. 

“One more try, Brick,” Zoey has gotten a new harness that hopefully wouldn’t randomly fall off the zipline. 

“I’m not sure if I can do this.” 

Zoey was already on edge as one of the last two teams at the zipline, and that pushed her over the edge. She grabbed Brick by the shoulders, “Do you want to go to fashion school? DO YOU? Then don’t wimp out about this stupid zipline. Shut up and DO IT!” Brick nodded and took a leap. 

As Chef raced closer to the passports, he realized his arms weren’t long enough to reach them. Thinking quickly, he wielded Chris like a baseball bat and smacked them to the ground with his face. 

Brick removed his boot and launched it at the bag containing the cards. The passports went flying and the ex-cadet managed to perfectly grab them and his hoot out of the air. 

“I GOT IT!” both Brick and Chef yelled at the same time. 

—Chill Zone—

“Three teams are racing for the two remaining spots in the race,” Don announced, the anticipation increasing, “The Fashion Bloggers’ penalty is almost up, but the Nice Guys and Reality TV Hosts are almost here. In sixteenth place and safe for tonight is………..the Fashion Bloggers! Your penalty is up!” The bloggers cheered and crossed the Carpet of Completion.”

A zoom-out showed Brick, Zoey, and Chef (with Chris in his arms) full force sprinting to the Carpet of Completion. “You can do it Brick!” Zoey grabbed her tiring teammate by the arm and sped up. 

“Almost there,” Chef grunted to himself as his husband began to stir. 

“Our seventeenth place and last team safe is…” Don waited as the teams drew closer  
…  
…  
…  
…  
…  
…  
…  
“The Reality TV Hosts! Sorry Nice Guys, but your time on the race has come to an end.” 

Zoey’s shoulders sagged, “Well there goes that opportunity.”

Brick gave her a pat on the back, “Hey! We gave it our all. Plus it was MY mistake that got us here. Not yours.” 

Zoey smiled weakly, “I can't let you take all the responsibility. It’s both our faults.”

“Deal.” As the two Nice Guys started back to the train station, transition cut to the hotel the remaining teams were staying at. 

—Hotel—

Alejandro was waiting to get his room key when a certain host approached him. “Alejandro! Al! Dro man! How ya doin’?”

“Don’t call me that McLame, what do you even want?” 

“An alliance.” 

“Oh please.”

Chris held his hands out pleadingly, “Did I ever tell you you were my favorite contestant?” 

Alejandro was confused, but answered nonetheless, “No…….?”

“Good, because that would be a lie. Heather’s my favorite.” 

Alejandro sighed, “Why would I even want to work with you? You were asleep for the entirety of the leg.”

“Because I know this game like the back of my hand. I stayed asleep because I knew we would be fine. Besides, neither of us exactly have any friends in this game.”

The Latin boy paused, “I’ll consider it.” As he retrieved his key and both walked away, Don stepped out and launched into his closing monologue. 

“Our first team has fallen. Sixteen more will follow. How will the Beat Friends and Sisters work together without Noah and Emma dating? What will become of Stacey’s newfound quest to get Becky a boyfriend? Is there more to Alejandro and Noah’s rivalry than we think. We are one down and seventeen to go on……….the Ridonculer Race!” 

—————————————————————  
-Teams Remaining: Goths (Crimson and Ennui), Ice Dancers (Jacques and Jossee), Tennis Rivals (Gerry and Pete), Fashion Bloggers (Tom and Jen), Sisters (Emma and Kitty), Best Friends (Noah and Owen),  
Survivalists (Shawn and Jasmine), Reality TV Pros (Sky and Lightning), Odd Duo (Dawn and B), Duncan’s Exes (Gwen and Courtney), Reality TV Hosts (Chris and Chef),  
Senior Sweethearts (Peggy and Edith), Graffiti Artists (Parker and Hyde), Surfers (Bart and Bridgette), Pranksters (Becky and Stacy), Magicians (Reagan and Phyllis), Latin Siblings (Alejandro and Juno)

-Placements:  
1-Ice Dancers  
2-Senior Sweethearts  
3-Latin Siblings  
4-Reality TV Pros  
5-Sisters  
6-Best Friends  
7-Magicians  
8-Goths  
9-Duncan’s Exes  
10-Tennis Rivals  
11-Pranksters  
12-Surfers  
13-Graffiti Artists  
14-Survivalists  
15-Odd Duo  
16-Fashion Bloggers  
17-Reality TV Hosts  
18-Nice Guys

-Elimination Order: Nice Guys  
—————————————————————

—Bonus Clip: Nice Guys—

Having bought their train tickets home, Brick and Zoey reconvened outside the train station. Noticing Brick was looking a little down, Zoey gave him a reassuring pat on the back, “Hey, don’t beat yourself up. We tried our hardest.”

Brick shrugged, “It’s just a bit frustrating. I guess it is like what they say, though.” 

“What do they say?” 

“Nice Guys finish last.” Zoey burst out laughing, before stopping as suddenly as she started, “Why am I laughing? That wasn’t really that funny?”

“I don’t know, cadet.”

A/N: Peggy and Edith were created by iwannabenoah

And the first team is out! Though Brick and Zoey are both fun to write, I decided that they had the least potential of the teams. Their dynamic could have been fun to explore, but eh. Hopefully this turned out well and I set the foundations for future plots well enough. I’d love to hear what you think, so please feel free to leave comments and kudos :D! The next location is going to be an Asian country well known for its music, so until next time!

**Author's Note:**

> The characters Peggy and Edith were created by iwannabenoah (on AO3 and Tumblr)
> 
> That’s Chapter 1! A bit boring and long, but it’s going to pick up hard next chapter! Until then, I’d love to hear what you think. Who do you think will be eliminated first? Who do you think will win? What about villains and alliances? I’m willing to give hints, so please don’t hesitate to ask!


End file.
